I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
