I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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