She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
