i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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