One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
