i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
