I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
