my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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