saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
