You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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