names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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