Me too!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
