mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
