Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
