Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Hippo gnu deer
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's shark week go big or go home
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
