i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
