That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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