I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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