i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
whose ass print is on the piano?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Randomize
