guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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