Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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