Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
