You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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