u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
