Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
