so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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