So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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