I hate your face
it hurts more in the daytime
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
