I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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