My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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