She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
