im having a threesome with these popsicles
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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