I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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