We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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