Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
