I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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