well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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