A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
