You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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