Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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