So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
