Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
