i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I deserve this hangover.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
