first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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