If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
