No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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