oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
