I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
