Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
