I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
