I met the friendliest cop last night
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
