hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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