there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
