I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
